Decisions

I really wonder why I try to do so much. I thought that things got easier the older I got. Well how wrong I was. Nothing got easier. Not my life anyways.

Suicide;
Last time I tried I was about the age of 14. I didn't do it though. I never tried. I was scared and young. That day went by so fast but I managed. Almost 10 years later I tried once again. I didn't succeed. My friend rescued me. I tried to overdose myself with pills and alcohol. I stopped but it still damaged my life.

Now five years after the last time...I have these thoughts again. How do I manage to survive this time!? The pain is there. I can't even go trough the day without the single thought of worthlessness. Yes that's how I feel.. I feel worthless. Always have been feeling this way.

Well I'll try to get out of this one too. I'm in therapy, although it'll take a long time until I get better.

Life

Hi all~

Wow has it been two years already since I last posted on this blog? The strange thing is that I keep coming back, no matter how long it has been.

A lot of things has changed over the years. I started a new study once again. Unfortunately I couldn't continue with this one, because I didn't have a job anymore. I stopped and looked for a new job. Eventually I found something and I'm still working for the same company right now.

My step grandma passed away last year on 11august. I wasn't really sad at that time...but I did feel some bad moments coming back so now and then. I do miss her. But I also miss more
 I've been missing my dad a lot too, and my Thai grandma.

At the moment I suffer from up and downs kind of depression. Though I am not depressed I do have a personality disorder. I can't help it but I do feel the kick of the disorder.

It also explain why I chose to do things especially in love relationship. I truly hate this side of me. But they keep saying that I have to accept the fact that I have troubles with my relationship.

There is a quote from Linkin Park that keeps repeating in my mind "who cares if one more light goes out in the sky of the million stars" Sometimes I really wonder what will happen if this happened to me. Will they really care like they said they do? It makes me sad to think that eventually it all doesn't matter anymore.

Well...I am tired..I had to write this off my chest. I'll try to write more often on this blog. Maybe it'll help me deal with my feelings.

Have a good day/night~

Schoolwork and setting my goals

Hi ^^

Taking a break from studying to write today's blog. I'm currently in my exam week and trying to study for the upcoming exams. It has been so hectic lately, I don't even know how to begin.
Firs of all, I had to finish my project. This project was done by eight people. I had some troubles with some people in the group which led to some disagreements and conflicts, eventually everything was done.
Last week I stayed at school till 10pm...and all we did was changing the pieces that has been written. My goodness, this was so bad written I thought this person was a joke. This was the reason why we had to stay till so late at school. We were busy trying to finish the project before the deadline. Eventually the Wednesday (the day the project had to be done), we still had to print and change some things in the product. Ugh, I never stressed so much for a project before.

I can't wait for this upcoming weekend though! ^^ Some rest finally~ After that weekend I have the second block of my first school year. Even though it has been stressful and tough, I still enjoy this study a lot. I can't wait to get my language lessons. I have Japanese the whole 4 years of my study and for this block I'll have Mandarin! Yaay~ hmm...

Okay, back to study~!

Mike hwaiting!!!

Changes

Hi everyone~

Again, it's been such a while since I last posted here. I was trying to lose some weight and I thought keeping it up with blogging my help my motivation. Unfortunately I didn't have time and motivation to write nor to continue losing my weight.
I want to try it out again though! I really want to have a better self image soon. I have to say that lately I'm not that concerned anymore about how I look. I'm more concerned about my grades and school. It's so tough and I hope that I'll be able to get some good grades, the upcoming exam in week 9! Right now, I have to write a lot of essays and do presentations. I'm proud of how far I've come with this and I actually learn a lot too!

Well this was my short update! Oh before I forget... If you're wondering what I study for~
it's actually Trade Management Asia. I love it! I get to learn about different Asian cultures and also their economics. I'm not really good with economics, but therefor I have to practice a lot!

Mike gambatte~!!!!

Have a nice day everyone~
Keep your heads up and look forward!

- Mike

Day 7

Hi all~ long time no see ^^

Even though this blog is called 'day 7' I am actually two weeks further with my progress. I haven't been updating in between because I either forgot it or things got in between.
But I think even though I said I wanted to blog everyday about my progress, it's better if I blog whenever things happened. For example, if I have lost weight or when I gained again (hopefully not).

So the good news! I lost 3 kg in 2 weeks! I am so proud of myself. Even though my mom said I should lose weight ( DUH )  I am really positive this is going to be the right time. Seeing the first results makes me happy! And the best thing is~~ my girlfriend is supporting me trough this all! I love her so much!

On the 12th June 2015 we were together for 1 year! It seems so short, but in our imagination it is already so long :). I hope we both have many more years like this to celebrate~ I love her with no doubt at all! And I am sure she loves me too. I can see it in her messages and in her eyes whenever I see her again!~ She can make me smile like no other~ and my dream is to grow old with her and have a lovely family. I really want that ^^. For now, let's enjoy each other's company when we can and live life to the fullest.

So remember people to never give up hope! Whatever you want to achieve in this life, just live it to the fulllest!
Never give up~

Peace!

- Mike

Day 6

Hi all~

Day 6 already! I have been doing great so far. Excersises are a lot easier to do now. I love doing the jumping rope, it calms my mind somehow :). I think I gained more arm and shoulder/back muscle! Since I feel them very well. Now for the rest~

Today I felt some muscle pain from yesterday's legday workout xD. It means that I have been doing great!
I have finally weighted myself. I lost 1kg. Not totally satisfied yet, but in less than a week 1kg is already good! So if I keep doing this, Im sure Ill get there ^^.

It is my goal to get fit again, not to look like a Kpop idol. I think my face has slimmed down a bit too. So I hope.

Tomorrow Ill go back to my dorm and go to the gym there~ another day of a good workout and good eating rhytm. Though I have to get used to waking up early XD. Somehow I wake up early, but I cant seem to stay awake, because I tend to fall asleep till 11am then :p.

This is it for today's update. Untill tomorrow~

- Mike

Day 5

Hi all~

Today I had a leg day workout! I did some leg excersises which I learned from watching a Youtube video ^^. I think that Ill have trouble walking tomorrow xP.
Before leg day workout, I did the usual Goku super saiyan training! That felt so good~ even though my cat was being annoying xD.

Oh I forgot to weight myself x.x going to do that tomorrow morning before going to the gym. I think it's a good day going tomorrow ^^.

I still feel amazing about my new me! And keep doing the good job. I feel improvement already! I know it's still far from what I want. But they say that Rome wasn't built in one day! Soooo... I'm doing this step by step and I'm sure, without quitting, I'll be stronger each day.

As a cool down I went roller blading. Which was a disaster xD. I haven't been doing that for a very long time and somehow I got a fear of falling... Maybe because when I was a kid, I didnt care about falling xP. Ah well, still was a nice cooling down.

Well guys, tomorrow will be another day of working out and eating good!

- Mike