Why?

Why do people always think that I can achieve everything?
Why do people always think that I can do anything I want?
Why do people walk over me like I'm a small bug?
Why do people I meet in the end always betray me?
Why?

How can I keep on the trust if everyone eventually betrays me? Whenever I think I have a good feeling with someone, they eventually betray me? I never hurt them? Yet they seem to hit me at that painful spot every single time. How can I open myself up? If this continues, I am almost forced to close myself up and hide the me. At this rate I will be a dull person, while I'm actually an outgoing spirit.

Can you answer me this question then?
Why are people good in hurting the ones they care for? Does this mean they actually never cared for the person in the first place? That must be it... I mean how can you keep promises and act like nothing is wrong while the one is left behind stay hurt and abandoned?

I'm actually so sick of it now. I hope from now on I'm able to keep distant from these kind of people. I don't need that many friends. I think having no friends at all is better than being hurt all the single time.

- Mike

Stress, stress and moooore stress

Hii and welcome to another blog update ^^

Like the title said, Im super stressed. School is exhausting me and its making me really tired and sick. I didnt pass my second period. Had a lot of troubles and now things are a bit more calmed down, I see the result of what happened in the second period. I need to redo a lot of tests, but I barely can concentrate on the subjects. I planned my day out today, but I barely did a thing, because I was so tired x.x

Hmm where is the focus when you need it? :(

Im going to leave it like this and try to make my day a bit more positive! I need to go to school now and review my project. Since I got a bad mark for that one as well :(.

Have a nice day, evening everyone~

- Mike

Amazing weekend~

Hello people~ :3

Im back again with a new blog ^^. This weekend I had an amazing time witn my Yuna~ *heart*
We went out for dinner at a Greek restaurant *nomnom*. And we had a birthday party of my friend's son :3. Kekeke seeing my Yuna with the little man, I couldnt help it and started to have parental feelings~ aigooo it was so sweet ^//////^.

I wont blog much today, because Im very tired ^^;. This weekend we did a lot and slept little xP. We were quite busy if you know what I mean ;).

So for now Ill stop blogging and will blog someday next week again~ ;3


Have a nice day/evening~

Byebye~

- Mike

Le Joop

Hi all~

Im back now :3. Yesterday I didnt blog, because I was too tired x.x. Its 8pm now and Im gonna sleep soon, since tomorrow I have school again. I have been avoiding school and schoolwork for a while now -_-'. Really wanted to give up, but I have to continue and just work hard from now on. So even though I keep talking about changing my attitude towards school, I still havent changed it... *sigh*
On the brighter side, I did a lot of planning already xD.

Tomorrow I also have that talk with my teacher. Im going to explain her about my situation, which is needed. I think Im going to talk with the dean as well. Because I notice that all of my frustrations and issues of the past years is getting to me now. I feel so tensed and stressed everyday. I cant focus on school, so I think it's good if I talk with my dean about this~. Wish me luck you guys!!

Okay today I got a lot of Bjoo pics as well xD That guy is just cute and its not like I have a guycrush on him, but I like his style and way of dancing a lot :3. Kekeke...so Im going to post a Bjoo pic here and then sleep.

Goodnight everyone and may all the good come to you who reads this ^^.

Byebye~

- Mike

Internship talk and somewhat happiness

Helloooo~

First of all I had to get up like 4.30 am OMFGWTFBBQSAUCE O.O I was sooooo tired x.x barely slept because I was nervous ><. And I keep on having weird dreams where I get killed by either someone or something :'(. Hmm perhaps its a sign that I shouldnt think so negative about myself?
I mean lots changed in my life, but I still am feeling restless sometimes? But on the other side~my girlfriend Yuna makes me really happy!! *w* She makes me feel alive ^//////^ kekeke.

Tirak~amralime~love of mine :3. Yes, she is the one for me alright! I know Ive said it before in my lifetime, bu those were all false hope. I never felt so strongly connected with someone >w< thats why Im sure! Besides at my past crushes I didnt really get that far with the thought.

We might have our struggles in life, but together we can do anything! :3
Yes she makes me happy and I can't wait to be able to hold her in my arms again and feel her beating heart next to mine~ :3

Tirak, I love you super super muuuch~ *heart*

Oh yeah this blog is named 'internship'...yeah I had my talk today...it went alright. But the thing is, they are looking for interns who are available for 10 months...I cant do that this year, but I can do it next year. But because of this 'issue' they couldnt hire me :(.
Im not sure if I have to feel sad about it or really happy, because according to my friends and Yuna, a better chance will come my way~.  So I keep hoping on that and fight harder for my goal! :)
School is still tough. But Ill manage. I just need to stick to my planning and do my things right.

Okay, enough blogging for today~

Thanks again for reading ^^.

Byebye~

- Mike

Passion, dreams and hopes~

Hi all~
Im back with a new blog for today. An earlier one, because Im planning on sleeping a bit earlier today. Tomorrow I need to get up at 4:30 am to get an early train for my internship talk! Im rooting >< I need one so much!! *nervous as heck*
Lets hope I will make it trough the selection! ><

Today I woke up bad. I slept in a very weird position...well if I slept that is. I woke up several times due to stress. I reblogged a lot of crappy stuff on my tumblr, because I felt like shit last night. Oh this is my tumblr acc btw: mikeymaxu.tumblr.com for the people that like to follow me ^^ whos reading this~.
After my reblogs, I was so sleepy but I couldnt sleep. I saw the clock turn into 2 am. And I think I eventually slept around 2:30 am and woke up at 4 again and so on.
I rolled out of my around 9 am and had breakfast. After that something went dramatically wrong with my head. I was hitting rock bottom again. I felt as if I was not worthy to none...that I wont be good for nothing. But of course this is all bullshit. At that moment I couldnt think otherwise...x.x
Thankfully my girlfriend was able to call with me again when she went home! ~ Im really grateful for her to be my love!! :3 She sure is the best ^//////^
Thank you tirak, for believing in me, in us and I hope that we will grow really really old together~~~ 103 and 108 right? xD kekeke~ Remember to always keep the faith *w*  (insert 5 stars)



Hmmm so later on I felt a bit better. It was actually funny, when I was in tears and felt bad, my cat (Mimi) insisted to sit on my lap :3. She's so cute and I really love her ^////^.
Right now shes sleeping on my bed xD kekeke.

Okay...I think Ill leave it like this! Im gonna get in pj's and do what I have to do to get myself all cleaned before tomorow ><. Damnit Im really nervous ;____;.

Soooo have a nice evening and day for the ones who live outside Europe~

Byebye~

- Mike

Birthday and cutie~

Hi everyone~

I woke up really early today to clean up the house for my mom while she was working. I felt really good doing so and I think I made my mom happy with it as well~.

After that I wrote things up for what I need to do for school. Tomorrow Im goin to wake up early again and make my homework. I am sooo faaar behind :'(.

Later on the day I went to the birthday of my best friend Cil~ It was a lot of fun, lots of nice food and fun people :). I had some good conversations ^^. At the birthday my other friend joined as well. She's also friends with Cil :). She has a baby boy named Tyson~ the boy is almost 4 years old and so sooo super duper adorable!! Im going to post a picture below ^^. He was smiling and playing a lot. He loves to hug people and also gives kisses. At first he didnt recognize me, but later he asked me if I wanted to play with him xD. Like in a super duper adorable voice *w*. My gawd I really love kids! ^^

Originially I planned to stay a bit shorter, but I had so much fun thats why I stayed a bit longer ^.^

Well as for today, Im gonna keep it like this and now head to bed...Im so tired x.x

Goodnight and goodday to you all~

Byebye~

- Mike

Train trip on Friday

Helllo all~

Today I went back to my own house because I had a lot of stuff for my studentsroom. Im living there for a while now, but I needed some new stuff. My old rice cooker died on me and also needed some knives and forks xD. Anyways I woke up aroundd 9 am and I originally wanted to leave around 10, but it was 11 when I left home. My bus didnt come, so my mom brought me to the trainstation, which was nice of her :).

I didnt stay long at my place. Though today was not really an interesting day, I enjoyed the travel.

Today's bad news was that I got some grades back from my second period exams....The only subject I passed was presentation...all others I failed hard x.x I am so deeply disappointed in myself. I was so angry and frustrated that my muscles started to tense up and now I have a soar back and also headaches :(. Ugh...today sucked x.x I really hope that Ill pass the test during my resits!!

Anyways, Im keeping this blog short again. Im tired and really want to sleep. Tomorrow I have a birthday of my friend ^^. She will turn 21 ^^.

Thanks for reading my blogs and I wish you all a nice day/evening~

Byebye~

- Mike

Who is the mole~!?

Hii everyone ^^

A short blog today, because Im really tired and I need to get up early tomorrow for some business things.
Anyways, today I barely worked on school. Send out some e-mails. I didnt have the motivation to do other stuff. Hmm too frustrated x'D. My girlfriend knows why xD.
I worked out again! Which felt great ^^. First I played 30 minutes of DDR non-stop, after that 10 minutes of dance workout and then some weight training and belly workout~. In total I worked out for 1,5 hour :). Im satisfied and going to continue doing like this!! Now only for school x.x oops xD.

I also watched the finale of 'wie is de mol'2015. This is a Dutch television show~ they started the first of January and every week on Thursday they had an episode. Every episode a candidate will be dropped out and they also show us clues who will be the mole of 2015. I had several moles...and eventually none of them were the real mole :p. Today they showed us who the winner was and who the mole was :). I really enjoyed watching the show. And next year Ill definitely watch again~.

Okay, Im really going to sleep now >< so tired x.x
Today was a good day, had a long phonecall with my girlfriend ^w^ *heart*

Have a nice day/evening everyone~

Byebye~

- Mike

Sickish, internship and sadness

Hi everyone~

I wonder who reads this anyways ^^;. But I feel like keeping up the blogging everyday. It makes me feel good afterwards~ and I think it's good for me too! So I dont mind if nobody reads this :). In the end, Im doing it all for myself ^^.

Anyways, today I got sick x.x blegh. And in the end it got worse...I got a nosebleed...Maybe this is a sign I shouldnt be overworking myself so much!? Apparently I do that a lot ><. Ah well fuck it! Thats life man...I cant help but stress so much.

Hmm I again didnt do shit for school because I felt like shit. And whenever I feel sick, I start to think. And thinking leads to negative spirals....I was blaming my girlfriend for liking someone else behind my back... I mean that's ridiculous right? Omg...Thinking back, makes me so disappointed in myself for not believing her. Luckily we could talk it out, and I hope that from now on we can have more serious convos like this, because I think it's good for us to do this :).

On the brighter side...I finally have a talk for my internship! Now lets hope that Monday 9th March will be my lucky day and that they got so impressed by me that they want me as their intern. I was reading a bit on their website and it sounds really cool! Im gonna apply in a suit, because they are quite formal ^^. I do like to wear suits~ and wish I could do it more dayly. But yeah, if I wore it to school, they will laugh me out x.x
I hate my school in the Netherlands >__> Its college and they still judge you the way you look. Stupid people...ugh...Anyways, I really hope that they will hire me!!! *prays*

Hmm dont have much more to tell to be honest. For now I keep it like this~.

So have a nice day/evening everybody ^____^

Byebye~

-Mike

Life and NaNa

Today's vlog will somewhat be different than the past days...

First of all, my day was okay. I woke up and did my things. Cleaned my bedsheets and helped mom a bit.
I wanted to do some schoolwork...but in the end, I ended up watching movies and series instead...ooops ^^;.
I dont know whats up lately. I dont feel like doing a thing for school anymore, its like, I dont see the point ><. Ugh I really need to change this state of mind fast!! Im happy Im back into working out again~ *yaaay*
So thats a good change!

Okay I told you guys, that this blog will be a bit different. Well...it's actually simple. I want to share you some quotes I like.

"We are lost in the dark. But we never forget the light there once was."

"If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane."
"They burned the bridge, then asked why I dont visit."

"Life is about getting knocked down over and over, but still getting up each time.
If you keep getting up, you win.”

“They say that only very good friends quarrel. But at the end of the day a quarrel is a fight between two people’s egos. Since people cannot understand each other by just being honest. May be its impossible to live your whole life without getting hurt but don’t hurt the people close to you.”

“The things that stress me out haven't changed.
But I don't wanna lose anything.
So I thought that at least I would change.
I'm lucky...that I'm afraid of losing something.”

I quoted mostly from the anime NaNa. I love that anime. It makes me realise that the life you live, have to lived the way you fight for, Therefore its better not to give up and try your best! Even though things gets rough and you dont know what to do anymore, you're on the edge of a breakdown...just remember to never give up. Because there is always one person in your life who is able to fight alongside with you!

Thank you NaNa and Ai Yazawa (creator of NaNa) for believing in us.

I recommend this anime to anybody who loves music and drama~ so go watch it ^___^.


Okay this is enough for today~

Have a nice day/evening ^^

Byebye~


- Mike

Bjoo~ and lack of motivation day

Yo~


Today I finally woke up a bit later~ Somehow I wake up around 6-7 am out of habit lately! >< Im really NOT a morning person. I can focus better during the nights...yeah I know it's bad. But heck, what is bad lately :p. You get cancer from smoking...yeah if there is a chance in your family...etc.... Like people who are vegetarian will say that eating meat is bad for your body. You get what I mean now? So yeah, Im living my life, my way. Ofcourse Im gonna do it in a healthy way. Like I said yesterday, from now on I will write 3 happy, grateful things every single day for 365 days and also work out more! Im already eating more healthier stuff. No more junkfood for me. Not that much anymore ofcourse, but still going to eat once in a while~ :).


Today Im grateful for that I could talk and call with my girlfriend *w* Im always happy to hear her voice ^/////^. Also grateful that I can still play DDR~ yaay for still being able to do the movements right xP.
 Oh and Im also grateful for the Bjoo pics that Fi send me x'D. It was a nice wake=up call~ BJOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and now Im also following a Bjoon twitter acc (BjooxHojoon) my two fav ToppDogg members~.


So yeah today...I actually didnt do much. I need to do some schoolwork. But I lack of motivation for that. Mehh  >< Maybe tomorrow? xD I hop so!!! For now lets keep on fighting!!~~


Okay Im out~ have a good day :3 And have a Bjoon :P huehue 

Byebye~

- Mike 

Sunday not so blues

Hi everyone~

Im back again with a new blog ^^

Today is a Sunday...and normally on Sunday's Im just lazy or do some homework. But today I cleaned the house for my mom ^^. Im actually really proud of myself~ *w*

After that I was skyping with my girlfriend and we did homework together ^///^ huehue I should do that more often, since it worked out well for me~~ and I think for her as well? She told me she did a lot already ^^.

Well...Im watching Aya Sato and Bambi workshops~ they are sooo coool *O* I mean omg...those dances.... I cant even follow the movements XD. Its soo cool~. Ill put the link here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbqdtkRY6rQ

Its really amazing!!

Hmmm I actually need to workout more. Im lacking of motivation...Ill start tomorrow again!~ I promise ^^. Oh and Ill start doing more schoolwork too, and go to the university library to study!! Yushh fighting Mike~ you can do this ^^.

Anyways, Im off now~ Gonna relax a bit and tomorrow I have a strict schedule for myself ^^. Holiday is over and Im gonna change my life in a good way. I want to have a better body and a thinking more positive about myself~ for me, and my girlfriend~ *heart*

Have a nice evening/day for who's reading this ^^

Byebye~


-Mike